Monday, October 6, 2008

Murphy was nice enough to share his Law with me.

Today was lousy. One of those days where there wasn't one specific event that made it bad, it was just a combination. Actually, most of it's lousiness came from newspaper. I actually cried in class today. Managed to suck it up and put on my big girl face because my teacher called me over the second I was about to melt down. Glad she did...I might have really made an idiot of myself. Not that anyone would notice.

I have to come up with an idea for my sidebar. I do not have the mental capacity to do that, I just don't. I am not the least bit creative, and I don't even know where to start looking for an idea. At least at home, I have magazines. I don't do well under pressure, even trivial sidebar-idea pressure, but I'm doing the best I can. The tension in that room has a lot to do with it. I am so afraid of almost everyone in there.

This girl from my newspaper who I've talked to on multiple occasions, worked on a project with before, and was in the adjoining room to her at newspaper camp, asked me today, "Did you just switch into this class?" After affirmed that I've been there since day one (I'm hoping I said it nicely, I was stressed out at that point), she said "Are you a junior or senior? I've never seen you before." I told her I was in the same grade as her, and she's like "Really? How come I've never seen you here?" Then she said something as she walked away like, "How are you so..." I didn't hear the last word. I'm not sure if it was an insult of a compliment. I mean, I remember specific conversations I had with her. She's asked me my name several times before. I mean, I don't expect everyone to remember me, but it hurt my self-esteem a little that I didn't even look familiar to her.

And to add insult to injury, the nice bittersweet cherry on top: Guess who spent the entire period hainging out in the newspaper room? The kid I was trying to find and interview for a week. The kid I stayed up late worrying about interviewing. Chickenhead's brother. The irony tastes sour. I wonder who hated me enough to invite him. That was no accident. Possibly Murphy's Law, but no accident.

On top of all of that, I feel like I've become a third wheel with my two friends. That's always a fun position to be in.

Going to find a sidebar idea if it kills me. It's either that, or my teacher will.

I'm overdramatizing this whole thing, and I sound like a drama queen complainer, but I need something cathartic to clear my head. This works well.

Love to all who don't freak out over little things and my kindred spirits who do,


  1. I'm sorry newspaper is stressing you out so much. I really wish you could have been there last year. There was so much more one on one time with Russo and not as much stress. I really want to help my favorites, but I don't have the time to because people who are PISSING ME OFF keep coming up to me and telling me what I need to be doing and I'm all "are you kidding me I asked you this 5 days ago and now you tell me what you want me to do. I'm going to kill you, you stupid fool. That and the fact that you have an attitude problem with me when I am trying to help you." And that's just one person.
    I wish I could tell you that it gets better, but at this point I really don't know. Right now I want to run out the door as fast as I can and NOT COME BACK.
    Oh, by the way, I've totally cried in newspaper too. One thing though is that because everyone else is so preoccupied, they don't really notice...nice...

  2. Thanks. I know I really shouldn't be stressed about it--I mean, your job is a million times harder than mine, so it's like I'm just a whiner and ungrateful. It's just a combination of things and my inability to handle stress, which I'm totally working on.