Sunday, October 31, 2010

What are you thinking? >.>

I read an article a while ago about this study on masturbation. The researcher said that his shows that it's not as common as other psychologists say because in his face-to-face interviews, only 38% percent of women and 61% of men said they did it at all in the last year. He said that he proved them wrong. He did mention that people may have lied if they felt awkward answering that question face to face.

Excuse me while I say NO DUH. Of course a face-to-face interview is not the format to use when trying to get valid statistics about masturbation. That's like...on the list of things you can't expect people to tell you. Another article provides a study about lying when asked an awkward question, discrediting the results of Mr. Brilliant's face-to-face interview.

This brings up the point about how people build secret worlds in their minds and will lie to keep anyone from breaking the walls. In an interview or even in a normal conversation, how do you know if people are telling the truth, or just telling you what they think you want to hear? You don't.

You really don't know what people think. I started clicking around articles and found one on sexual fantasies, saying that in a conclusion of a study of 23,000 people, the most normal people have the weirdest, most shocking fantasies, some of which he calls "frightening, violent, dangerous and disturbing." and that the "most disturbed people" have the most simplistic ones. You would never guess. For all I know, you could fantasize about penguins or something. For all you know, I could be one of the "frightening, violent, dangerous, and disturbing."

I've been put on the spot with questions similar to these, and although I don't have much to hide, I thought it was interesting to see what I couldn't talk about face-to-face but would answer in the dark (truth or dare) or over AIM. I also noticed that some kinds of questions immediately prompt a predetermined response, almost like a reflex, whether it be true or untrue. It's kind of interesting to know that you can hide in your mind and create a secret world you can't tell anyone about. Cost is you have to lie to keep it there.


Thursday, October 28, 2010

I'm Juliana, in case you forgot

I have a great memory for people. I could look around any one of my classrooms at any time and tell you everyone's first and last names, and I could tell you where half of them live. If I meet someone once, I remember them. I recognized the waitress from TGI Fridays because she used to work at Chick-Fil-A, I recognized the mother of a girl I went to preschool with when I saw her at Publix, and I recognized my cousin’s friend from elementary school at the beach, even though I only met him once or twice when I was 11.

The bad part of this, though, is that knowing so much about people makes it awkward when they don’t remember me. And they usually don’t remember me. This kills my self-esteem every time and I always thought either I just wasn't memorable or they were too self-involved to remember. I would think that was either a problem with me or a problem with them, but maybe it's just the difference between introversion and extroversion.

I was reading an article in Psychology Today called "Revenge of the Introverts" that talked about how introverts think and reflect on everything while extroverts barely finish their last activity before they're on to a new one. Extroverts thrive on social interaction, but they don't stop to worry about details. Introverts are overwhelmed by too much social interaction and would rather observe, but they consider the details and often overthink. Extroverts talk to everyone, but remember few. Introverts talk to few but remember everyone. I am definitely an introvert, and according to the article, introverts are outsiders in our society.

I do know some people who really don't care to remember other people. They mentally catalog the important faces and names and ignore the rest. Others just don't remember because they're not thinkers. I hate when someone I've had classes with for three years asks if my name is Carrie, or my cousin's friend who I've met at least six times says "nice to meet you," but I try to remember that sometimes it's me and sometimes it's them, but sometimes I'm just an introvert caught in a society of extroverts. And that's nobody's fault.


Friday, October 22, 2010


I'm very afraid of needles.

I will worry, shake, and not be able to think about anything else. I cry every time, no matter how hard I try not to. But I know it really doesn't hurt, and I calm down the second it's over. I know it doesn't hurt, I know it's over in a few seconds, and I know it's no big deal. I can't tell myself this, though, because no matter how I explain it in my head, it's still a piece of metal piercing a vein. The time spent thinking about that, the anticipation, is far worse than the injection itself.

Anticipation, good or bad, is often better than the thing you're anticipating. Thinking about something, building it up in your head, is in itself a horrible period of anxiety or elongated periods of happiness. Actual events that make you happy or sad don't last long, and after the memories of them persist, but they fade as time goes on. With anticipation, those feelings get stronger as time goes on and the anticipated event closes in. Good or bad, anticipation is seriously underestimated.


Friday, October 15, 2010


This is the kind of show that if you don't appreciate the humor and you don't see the point, you'll think it's really stupid. This is the best adult cartoon I have ever seen, and probably the only adult cartoon I actually like. The combination of exaggerated characters, dry humor, and social satire give this show an understated intelligence that you definitely don't see in normal adult cartoons.

The premise is about a smart but apathetic, sarcastic, and nihilist teenage girl who shows no emotion in any way. The intro explains her perfectly.

To contrast her character, all other characters in the show have dramatically exaggerated characteristics. Her parents are the kind of dumb and oblivious that mirrors the parents in "The Fairly Oddparents." Most characters are overwhelmingly vacuous, and most of her humor comes from her commentary on the stupidity of others.

This show aired on MTV from 1997 to 2002. I used to stay up until midnight to watch reruns in 5th grade, but sadly The-N replaced it and it doesn't show on TV anymore. Every episode is on You Tube and it was just released to DVD a few months ago.

These are someone's idea of the best Daria quotes. I don't think they're the best. It's hard to understand when they're out of context. If you want an idea of the show, watch the beginning of the first episode.

I am willing to look past the fact that this is a spinoff of "Beavis and Butthead." I think this show is uniquely interesting.

Daria: "Is there ever a time when the way you look doesn't affect the way you're judged?"
Jane: "When you donate an organ, unless it's your eyes."


Thursday, October 14, 2010

Can you deny your thoughts?

You can lie about things you did, but it's hard to convince yourself and everyone else of a lie when there is evidence that won't let you forget. It's much easier to lie about your thoughts which have no consequences, but what if you shared those thoughts with someone? Then there's a consequence. You can lie about things you said or cover yourself by claiming you meant something different, or you could cover it by lying about lying. Complicated. All this to convince someone else, but can you ever really convince yourself?

This is my problem. Some thoughts need to stay in my head. If they're too influenced by a moment of intense emotion, immaturity, or mixed priorities, I need to let them burn out in the safety of my mind. But when someone forces them out, I usually have to go back and cover it up. This has changed my relationship with some people because although I think I convinced them, I never completely convinced myself. Even after they likely forgot, I always felt like that confession hung between us. I covered the truth with a lie, and that blurred the line between real and imagined because even though I knew the truth, if no one else does, it really doesn't matter.

When I'm the only one who knows, it makes it hard to be sure of those things, and in a way that's a good thing. If we could take every silent mistake and blur the memory, making the truth indeterminable, those unwanted thoughts of the past lose their grip over our lives. Nothing is really true until you say it outloud and tell someone else. On the contrary, it's scary to think that it's easy to fall for a lie, even one you tell yourself. If you can't be sure of what you think, what can you be sure of?


Friday, October 8, 2010


I love this woman. Her songs such as "Like a Virgin," "Material Girl," "Vogue," "Crazy for You," "Borderline," and "Lucky Star" among many others are constantly played on the radio and in any store, but take a look at the woman behind the elevator music and you'll see that she's a cliche for a reason, not to mention so perfectly 80s.

According to Madonna: An Intimate Biography by Randy Taraborrelli, at the start of her career, she told a journalist "People don't know how good I am yet. But they will soon. In a couple of years everyone will know. Actually, I plan on being one of this century's biggest stars." When they questioned her use of her first name alone as her stage name, she said "It's Madonna. Just like Cher. Remember it."

I read just a little of that biography. I learned some things about her I didn't know like the extent of her Catholic upbringing. She went to a Catholic elementary school and came from a large, very Catholic family where she learned that if she wanted attention, she had to shock people. Her religion is a major source of her rebellion. She would wear religious jewelery in videos like Like a Virgin as a way to satirize it and cause controversy.

It claims that her mother had multiple religious statues and paintings, and when a relative would come to the house in clothes she considered inappropriate, including jeans on women, she would turn the statues and paintings around to shield Jesus from the indecency. This reminds me of Lady Gaga who also had a strict Catholic upbringing and Katy Perry who was the daughter of two ministers.

In Taraborrelli's book, she's quoted saying "Catholicism screwed up many a catholic person. How many Catholics are in therapy, just trying to get over the idea of Original Sin. Do you know what it's like to be told from the day you walk into school for the first time that you are a sinner, that you were born that way, and that that's just the way it is? You'd have to be Catholic to understand it." I love that. I was also told that in Catholic school, and it made me think that if everyone's a sinner, than nobody is. It's relative.

She wore this to perform "Open your Heart" in 1990

In a documentary called Truth or Dare, she said "I know I'm not the best singer or dancer in the world. I know that. But I'm not interested in that, either. I'm interested in pushing buttons." She did push buttons, and crossing lines was one of her specialties.

"Crazy for You" (1985), my favorite Madonna song.

Borderline (1984) - I love this one for the clothes in the music video.

Like a Virgin (1984) is probably the most referenced song in pop culture and also the one with the goofiest lyrics. "Shiny and new" makes me laugh every time, along with the random lion in the music video. The lyrics aren't great, but something about it makes this song lovable.

She challenged tradition and forged her own path, creating some of the most known songs and trends of the 80s. Kickin ^_^


Wednesday, October 6, 2010


I have four blog posts saved in my drafts that I started but didn't feel like finishing over the last three days. I felt like this requires little commentary because it speaks for itself. A game where you catch butterflies that fly out of an elephant's trunk. ♥