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Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Miss Independent? Mistaken.

I hate how much I need other people. I wish I didn't need my friends to make me happy, and I wish that I wasn't so afraid of everyone else. When my friends decide to skip a pep rally, all decide to stare into their math books at lunch, or cancel plans last minute, I let it break me. In those situations, I always wish I could be cool with it, say in my head "I don't need you," and go talk to some other people like a normal person...but I can't. I make the most awkward attempts to talk and when I do forget to be afraid and act like myself, I get embarrassed. I can't come out of my shell...not because I'm protecting myself but because I feel so inferior to them that I don't think I deserve to come out.

I still feel like the freshman in a room of seniors, even when I'm the senior in a room of freshmen. I hope one day I stop being a scared little freshman and lose the shell, but that's been at the top of my wish list for a long time and I don't think it's getting much better.

Love,
Juliana

6 comments:

  1. Everyone needs someone there for them. I always think about how much I need friends, and at first I thought it was a flaw, but I know that everyone needs to have those people. I don't usually like to be the one to break the silence because I always end up saying something stupid. You are not inferior to anyone and don't let anything make you feel like that. And since you say you have a shell you're reinforcing that you're a turtle (♥)

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  2. Jessica's advice is dead on. I didn't know you felt this way. Here I was thinking you were the confident one in the group. :0
    Meanwhile, I'm always afraid that you guys will stop liking me. I have an even stronger emotional attachment to our little group because you guys are the only real group of friends I've ever had. Seriously. I love you guys with all of my heart because you are wonderful people and I am eternally grateful of the fact that you all accept me. That's why I'm extremely clingy to all of you.
    1/3 of the original group I was a part of in kindergarten split away from me and my best friend. I still talk to this person, but it will NEVER be the same. I'm really glad she has found a lot of other friends, some of whom are mutual. Why? No one (unless he or she is pure evil) deserves to be lonely.

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  3. By the way, don't worry about saying anything stupid, Jessica. You are way smarter than me.

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  4. Aw, bb, we all love you. The only part of you inferior to us is your level of self-worth.

    Even when you're awkward. It's part of what makes you awesome~

    We need to put you through some insane self-esteem counseling.

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