5 Things I'm sick of hearing about Twilight

Twilight is one of those topics on which everyone has an opinion. It is also one of those things you don't discuss in mixed company, like politics or religion. What I find more amusing and annoying than any obsessive Twilight fan is the ardent and vocal backlash from the Twilight haters. When you find someone who hates Twilight, chances are they *really* hate Twilight. Many times I can laugh at the awkward teenage boys who whine about Twilight while secretly resenting this fictional vampire for attracting girls in a way they never could, or the "intellectuals" who condemn shallow teen literature for insulting their intelligence while using the very intellectual work "Twitard." However, it does bother me that I hear more Twilight talk from the haters than anyone who likes it. Here are 5 things I'm sick of hearing about Twilight.

1. "Harry Potter is sooo much better!"

You can't compare apples to oranges. First of all, I would put Harry Potter in the category of literature and Twilight in entertainment. That's like saying Newsweek is so much better than Cosmo. They're not trying to compete. They cater to different audiences with different interests. They serve different purposes. Also, I could whine about Harry Potter fans just as these Harry Potter fans whine about Twilight. Twilight is overhyped, but I got sick of hearing about Harry Potter in 6th grade. Anything that's talked about too much becomes annoying. Everyone should just shut up, stop making it into a competition and leave the two alone.

2. "These kids think they like vampires but they don't know anything about vampires!"

It's kind of ridiculous to complain about the factually inaccurate portrayal of a fictional monster. If you feel like fighting for social justice, leave the sparkly vampires and take up gay rights or something. If you really care that much about Twilight tarnishing the good name of vampires, maybe it's time to reevaluate your life.

3. "Twilight is so stupid blah blah blah Twitards blah blah blah blah blah blah blah vampires suck blah blah blah..."

People who talk endlessly about how much they hate Twilight and roll their eyes at any mention of it. Shut up. The difference between pro-Twilight babble and anti-Twilight babble is that one is positive and one is negative. People would always rather hear positive babble than negative, so shut up and don't drag your personal rain cloud over the rest of us.

4. "They copied other books! There are other books like this! It's not original!" *points fingers*

So? There's a reason this one became popular and those didn't. You want to sell a book? Make the people like it. There's definitely something about Twilight that makes people like it. When they sue Stephanie Meyer for copyright infringement, you can picket outside the courthouse.

5. "Stephanie Meyer is a bad writer who doesn't deserve to be famous!"

She repeats the same adjectives and verbs endlessly, her ideas weren't original, and the whole thing is teenage fluff. But the combination of elements she threw together hit a serious chord with girls. I think she definitely deserves her fame. If you can throw together a book that is so frivolous and simple but pushes just the right buttons to make girls obsess, more power to you. You deserve fame. She pulled strings, pushed buttons, and hit chords with the simplest things. It won't win her any Pulitzers for literature, but it is the entire goal of the entertainment industry to bring people something that interests them to the level of obsession.

Basically, people would rather hear about how much you love something than how much you hate it. Compulsive negativity is annoying, more annoying than any teen obsession. I'm sure soon everyone will stop talking about Twilight and move onto their next target. Watch out Justin Bieber with your baby face and childlike smile. If you keep spreading sunshine to children, the world's former Twilight haters will beat you with copies of the newest Harry Potter.

Love,

Juliana

Middle School Party Games

Middle school probably produces the most embarrassing and hilarious pictures of yourself that you will ever see. I had horrible teeth then braces, I dressed like a boy, and weighed 25 pounds more than I do now even though I was shorter. I'm still in an awkward stage, but middle school was the climax of it, and everyone looks back on middle school pictures and laughs. The party games we played reflected just how unfabulous it all was. Drugs, cigarettes, violence, and pre-teen pregnancy are pretty common in middle schools from what I hear, but my middle school years were more like a 90s sitcom. Doing makeup, talking about boys, and playing one of these games was our idea of a party.

Make room for Jesus, kids!

1. Truth or Dare

I could make a whole post on this game, guaranteed at any party from 3rd grade on. It was actually more popular in elementary school and started to die around 7th grade. Players are asked to choose truth or dare. If they pick truth, they are asked a question which they have to answer. If they pick dare, they're dared to do something weird. Obvious popular truths were "who's your crush," "have you ever kissed a boy," "have you ever seen a guy naked," "have you ever slept in the same bed as a boy," etc. For whatever reason, daring people to hump things was always popular, even in 4th grade. I was dared to make out with a life-sized Barbie doll in 5th grade (forshadowing?). I've probably played this game 40 times.

Of course, it was more fun to play with guys. As sexual as 12-year-olds dared to make it, the co-ed version of this game involved taking off clothes, touching, kissing, whatever, but it was all generally innocent. Girls for some reason all thought they had to kiss someone before high school, and this game was their ticket in. Daring the guy to kiss the girl put the spotlight on him and made it less awkward for her because she was the "victim" of the dare. Victim, yeah right.

We never played spin the bottle or seven minutes in heaven, and I've never heard of anyone playing them in real life, although I'm sure they do. Kids have texting now. They skip the little games and sext each other instead. Wow did I just say sext?

2. Park Bench

In this game, one person pretends they are sitting on a park bench. The person whose turn it is pretends they are a stranger encroaching in the space of the park bencher. Their job is to say the most awkward things possible to make the park bencher surrender and get off the bench.

They can move into their space as much as they want, whisper in their ear, whatever, but it's generally no contact. There's a contact version where you touch the person until they're so uncomfortable that they surrender, but that one is more fun with boys. We used to play this game in P.E. instead of actually, you know, exercising like we were supposed to.

3. The Interview Game

My friends used to love to cause drama, and someone was always fighting with someone. At lunch, to keep a catfight at bay, we would play this game. One person is the interviewee, and everyone else is an interviewer.

The interviewers all discuss a job they want to assign the interviewee, but they never tell the person. Let's say lion tamer. The interviewers all agree on lion tamer, and they ask the interviewee questions about their job as a lion tamer, dropping subtle clues as to what that job is.

The interviewee has to answer the questions, pretending they know their job, and eventually, using the clues, guess what that job is. "You really seem to take a bite out of life. Is it hard to tame your passion for your line of work?"

4. Kiss, Cliff, Marry

I first played this in 7th grade and actually played the older version Kill, F*ck, or Marry in the past year. In this game, you're given a choice of three guys you know, and you have to decide which of the three you would kiss, throw off a cliff, and marry. It's an ice breaker in a group situation and less personal than truth or dare, which at times had a hangover effect when you did/said something you regret later.

5. Magic 8 Ball

Pass it around. Ask it questions. Who will kiss whom, who will marry whom, everyone laughs. Simple party fun that could last a long time, surprisingly. One of those truth or dare kissing schemes was hatched as a result of Magic 8 Ball results.


6. Ouija Board

This is an oracle game that contains just a board full of letters and a compass with a magnifier in it. What you're supposed to do is sit in a dark-ish room and have everyone put their hand on the compass. Then you ask the "spirits" a question, and they are supposed to guide the compass over the answer.

Like the Magic 8 Ball, it was supposed to be a fortune telling game, but it always turned into a séance. We would make the room as creepy as possible, and every little sound or movement we would look at as a sign of a ghost. Whenever the compass moved, someone was always moving it and swearing they weren't.



I played truth or dare at my sister's friend's party recently. They asked me if I liked my sister's 13-year-old guy friend. I very dramatically said yes, but I didn't want him to find out this way. I still pull out the interview game in boring situations and it always breaks the ice, and Magic 8 Balls are fun no matter how old you are.

I was thinking of posting on the hand clapping games we played in elementary school, but I don't remember enough of any of them to explain. I'm working on it.. ^_^

Love,

Juliana

My List of 10 Creepy Kids Shows

There are so many adorable kids' shows that just make you happy even if you aren't four years old anymore, but for every Arthur there is a Teletubbie, and for the Power Rangers there are The Wiggles. What makes a creepy kids show? Unsettling puppets, clowns, adults pretending to be children, hands with eyes...Creepiness is purest when it's unintentional, and nothing can give you the same feeling of unease you get from watching four grown men sing about fruit salad or fat colorful fluffballs with baby heads swirl around.

These are the ten children's shows I think belong on a list of creepy.

The Teletubbies - Personally, I don't think the Teletubbies are all that creepy, just weird. I think the whole adoption of Tinkie Winkie as a gay symbol is creepy, but that's just adults once again ruining children's shows with sex. People always ruin innocent things. Weird colorful alien things that make weird noises and have TVs in their stomachs are strange creatures, but the one thing that gives me a weird feeling in my stomach is that sun baby. What is that? The sun baby with it's strange laugh and gazing eyes...the first time I've ever been creeped out by a baby.

The Wiggles - I loved The Wiggles when I was little, but it's a little unsettling to watch four grown men wiggle. Although I promote their effort to encourage wiggling among the youth population, it's uncomfortable to watch them do the wiggling.

Angela Anaconda - I watched this when I was little because the animation interested me, but holy crap is this weird. They look like magazine cut-outs of faces pasted on cartoon bodies and they move like paper dolls.

Howdy Doody - This show was on way before I was born and I never saw it, but this puppet is going to haunt my dreams.

Oobi - Hands. With eyes. That talk. I wouldn't call this one creepy, but it's definitely weird. My question here: Why? Do preschool aged children really have such simplistic minds that they can be entertained watching hands on a TV screen? If they're going to watch Oobi, they might as well just make their own hand puppets.



Wonder Pets - I think this show is more annoying than creepy. This was my final choice, and it was between this and The Backyardigans, but I don't think The Backyardigans can be considered creepy. I just hate them. The Wonder Pets are cartoons made to look like real animals that sing, but the creepier thing is their attempted baby voices. They don't match, and the songs combined with the animation is just...unsettling. My sister used to watch this show, and I could never decide whether I thought it was cute or creepy. All I knew was I felt uncomfortable watching it, and I don't think that's what guinea pigs, baby ducks, and turtles are supposed to make you feel.



Boohbah - I have two theories for the creation of Boobah. The first is that the creator was tripping acid. The second is that this was an attempt to outdo The Teletubbies' weirdness. Someone saw Tinkie Winkie, Dipsy, Lala, and Po and thought "Nope, not creepy enough. We can do better." I would say they succeeded. This truly screws with your mind. Once I start this video, I can't look away.

The Doodlebops - I hate clowns. I don't know who decided clowns were funny. The only funny thing about them is the funny feeling I get when they come too close. The Doodlebops combine the weirdness of adults wiggling with the scariness of clowns. The pink one's hair looks like it's plastic. I'm sure if she decided to take her revenge, she could kill you with her head.



Lazy Town - This Circa 2006 Icelandic Nick Jr. show scares me more than any of the others, even Boobah. The pink haired girl who is more flexible than any normal little girl, a superhero with a pedo-fake mustache, and the villian with plastic chin extensions together with the weird-looking puppets all in an uncomfortable setting make for a weird show. The girl's name is Julianna actually, and she was 15 in this show. I know. She doesn't look 15. Because of the ridiculous gymnastics she does, when you search this show you get more icky results from perverted adults than you do about the actual show.

I could have put Mr. Rogers on this list, but I don't think he belongs on it. I don't think he's creepy. I always felt like watching that show was like spending some time with someone else's grandpa, and even though it was boring, it was comforting.

Conclusion? Um. Creepy kids shows are creepy.

Love,
Juliana

Childhood Toys (Part One?)

When I finished writing this, I realized that this doesn't even scratch the surface of childhood toys. Most of the things you play with as a kid aren't even toys at all, they're adventures straight out of your imagination. I stuck mostly to toys for which I could find pictures and specific comments about, but there are so many more toys. Play-doh, bubble wrap, coloring books, Colorforms, Fisher Price Kitchen, Easy Bake Oven, Waffle Blocks, Lite Brite (the list goes on) did not make it to the already long list.

Then there are the non-toy aspects of childhood which are even more fun to remember like hiding in a dark closet with a flashlight making shadow puppets, imaginary friends, playing house, playing tag, playing dress-up. I could talk about these things forever. This is likely the first of an installment of posts about childhood, the one subject I feel that I have an authority to talk about. Sit'n Spin: The idea for this article spun off a sudden memory flashback of one simple toy: the Sit and Spin. This thing is amazing. For a three year old, it's like the teacups at Disney that you can operate yourself. It was even more fun to stand on it and spin. I loved that thing even after I had well exceeded the target age range, but I would play with one of those if I had one now. I spin around in my desk chair all the time.

It was even more fun with two people. These kids have the right idea.

Fisher Price Doll House: My grandma recently returned it to me from her garage where it has laid dormant for 10 years in all it's in it's worn, torn, and rainbow-sticker ornamented glory. Guess what I did when she gave it back? I furnished the rooms and put the family in the living room to watch TV. I still remember the names of all the dolls (most named for the kids on Barney because those were the only names I knew, except for one that I called Anadudadaka to distinguish her from her identical twin sister, Jane). I loved to load the family into their little pink jeep and drive them around.

Polly Pocket: This was Polly when her house could literally fit in your pocket. Her house would come in a pocket-size case that you folded open, and Polly and friends were less than an inch tall. Their feet had little circles that fit into circular holes all over her house. I'm actually preferable to the new Polly Pocket with the stretchy clothes. I borrowed my sister's in fourth grade and my friends and I would play at recess. Funny thing is we would joke about being too old for it, using the excuse that it was my five-year-old sister's toy.

Furby: Talking fluffy robot that looks like a Gremlin. It comes with a Furbish dictionary that helps you decode it's language, and supposedly if you played with it enough, it would gradually learn English. Interesting little things. I got one from my uncle for Christmas when I was seven. It was a combination of cute, scary, and intriguing.



Tamagotchi: Adorable little virtual pet that you hatch, take care of, and grow. When I was five or six, my cousin gave me her old one. My mom said she didn't want me to have it because I wouldn't take care of it, it would die, and I would cry. I told her I would take care of it. It died. I cried. What a shock.

Push Pop and Ring Pop: Not toys, but perhaps the best lollipops ever. I used to love after you licked a Push Pop enough at the top, it would form a sharp point. I used to try to only lick around the middle to make it look like an hourglass, but I was never successful. The new Push Pops have springs in them, so you don't have to push them, but before that, you had to stick your finger in the barrel and push it up yourself. Your fingers would always get sticky. Awesome stuff.

The other candy love of my childhood is the Ring Pop. This is a lollipop you wear like a ring. My mom always said they look more like pacifiers, and when they're in your mouth, they do. I remember this exact commercial for them and thought it was so cool at the end when the girl had one on every finger.



Cardboard Boxes: There are so many things a kid can do with a cardboard box. I, like just about any little girl, liked to play house, so I would draw on windows and hide out in there. Having a cardboard box big enough to hide inside is one of the memories of childhood that makes life seem a little less serious.

Now, for what is in my opinion the best childhood game there is...

Forts: Taking those blankets, those pillows, those chairs, and the back of the couch and creating the most insane, kick-ass, epic fort there ever was. Hiding inside and feeling like no one can get you. Hanging out there all day with a coloring book. Designating separate rooms and moving your dolls into them. Spreading out on the floor with a million pillows. Turning off the lights, bringing in a flashlight, and chilling in the dark. Awesome. Also, I wish I had a bed like this. My cousins had bunk beds and I thought those were the coolest things ever. We used to jump off the top onto the floor over and over and over. Like I said, the list of things I could talk about is never ending.

Love,
Juliana

My Top 10 Favorite Boy Meets Girl Movies

I had said in a recent article that the only boy-meets-girl movies I actually like are The Notebook, The Wedding Date, and Meg Ryan movies. I recently realized that's not correct and have compiled a top 10 list of my favorite boy-meets-girl movies (doing what I'm supposed to do with my blog and spreading opinions on pop culture).

Casablanca is not on this list. I know it's the most famous classic movie of all time and supposedly the best romantic movie ever made, but like I said, I'm not big on romance and I actually thought it was a little boring. Don't stone me.

I'm leaving off the old movies like Casablanca, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Sabrina, The Way We Were, An Affair to Remember, A Philadelphia Story, Roman Holiday...they're getting their mention here. There are too many of them. On my list, I'm sticking to movies less than 30 years old and also excluding Disney because that's another list unto itself.

My Top 10 Favorite Boy Meets Girl Movies

10. The Holiday (2006) – Cameron Diaz from LA and Kate Winslet from England decide to switch houses for Christmas to escape the memories of their ex-boyfriends and they meet new guys on their vacations, Jude Law and Jack Black. It sounds cliché and unoriginal, but I think it’s a combination of the first-rate cast, good screenwriting, and a very mood-fitting musical score that makes it work well.

9. You’ve Got Mail (1997) – Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks are e-mail pen pals under anonymous screen names and they fall for each other, even though they don’t think they’ve ever met. Unknown to them, they’re actually fierce enemies in real life. Great use of dramatic irony, and it’s cool to see how they used internet around the time when it was a new invention.






8. Pretty Woman (1991) - Julia Roberts is a hooker hired by Richard Gere to pretend to be his girlfriend for a week. I love Julia Roberts. She may be my favorite actress.










7. Grease (1977) - Good girl meets bad boy in the 50's and they both try to change for each other. Awesome musical, 50's pop culture gold, even though it was made in the 70's.


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6. When Harry Met Sally (1989) - These two meet when they drive from Chicago to New York together after college, and he tells her that he doesn't want to be her friend because he believes that it's impossible for men and women to just be friends. The movie follows their relationship over 12 years, challenging and reevaluating his idea about friendship and introducing ideas about love and fate. A little slow and I didn't like it at first, but it made me think.

The link is a really funny scene from the movie where she illustrates how to fake an orgasm in the middle of a diner.

5. (500) Days of Summer (2009) - You've read my obscenely long review complete with spoilers.

4. Dirty Dancing (1987) – “That was the summer of 1963 when everyone called me Baby and it didn’t occur to me to mind.” That's the opening line of this movie about an innocent 18-year-old girl, nicknamed Baby for a reason, who goes on vacation with her family and through a series of right-place-at-the-right-time, meets a dance instructor and has to be his dance partner in a show. She has to learn to dance, and he teaches her a lot about the real world and makes her grow up. This movie is pure sex, not really about romance.

If you click on the name, it's a link to Patrick Swayze's song "She's Like the Wind" from the movie. Awesome song.


3. Sleepless in Seattle (1991) - A woman falls in love with a widowed man she hears on the radio after his 8-year-old son calls in to a talk show to say that his dad is sad and needs a new wife to make him happy. (Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks)



2. The Princess Bride (1987)- Classic fairy tale romance, literally. Princess falls for a farmer boy, but she's forced to marry an ugly royal instead. There are castles, magicians, pirates, sword fights, monsters, poisoned chalices, and the theme that true love conquers all. It's narrated by a grandfather reading the story to his grandson. There's something for everyone in this movie, and I think it's not just one of my favorites but one of the best romantic movies ever made. My sixth grade teacher used to quote it all the time, and we would watch it in his class before winter break.



1. The Notebook (2004) - Boy meets girl in the 1940s. The story follows their relationship over the years. It sounds generic, but if I give away what makes it amazing, I will give away too much. I believe this is the most emotional boy meets girl movie there is. You will cry. I bawled my first time, and I tear up every time.



The Wedding Date got kicked off the list is revision. It’s similar to Pretty Woman. The girl hires the guy to pretend to be her date for her sister’s wedding. This scene and Dermot Mulroney’s sexy voice are the selling points of that movie, but it actually isn’t quite good enough to make it into the top 10.



And there’s my list! Watch them and love them like I do.

Love,
Juliana