Saturday, March 27, 2010

Juliana's guide to Facebook status updates

I finally got a Facebook back in September. I had always criticized it as an annoying overrated trend that gives people the illusion of a social life. I've gotten into it lately pretty much just because it gives me something to do. Reading people's statuses gives you a lot of insight into who they are, just by the type of thing they choose to send out to their 300 "friends." There are a few types of statuses that are really lame.

1. The basic, short summary of the mundane events of their day. Adults usually do this because they use Facebook solely to let their other adult friends know what they're doing.
"Going to the mall"
"Doing homework"

2. The more childish detailled account of the events of their day, usually seen in posts by middle school kids who feel like they need to make sure everyone knows they have a life.
"Went to the mall and got a pretzel with my peepz! Then Brian stole my pretzel and we went to the Apple store and took pictures and we almost got kicked out for knocking down the posters! And we saw Chad and Hayley there! Sooo funnn."

3. Name-dropping. Also a sad attempt to let the world know they have friends.
"Hanging out with Sarah, Brian, Chad, and Hayley!"
"At the beach with Joe, Nick, and Kevin!

4. Probably the most annoying kind of status there is: Posting intentionally vague statuses in order to elicit comments, to which they many times respond "I don't want to talk about it." Urban dictionary calls it vaguebooking.
"I can't believe he would do that!"
"This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me..."
"Wow, that was unexpected..."

5. Facebook Tourettes, as named on Urban Dictionary. (Don't ask me how I know these, I really don't remember when I saw that name.) This is when someone posts a series of inane statuses in succession, usually about the same thing.
8:00-"I HATE HIM!"
8:15-"I HOPE HE DIES!!!"

This is an actual example of a series of statuses from someone I hid from my wall. She was just too annoying. Also an example of both Facebook tourettes and vaguebooking. A double threat.

6. This isn't a status, but it's another annying Facebook habit. Excessive boring picture posting. I hate these people who post 100 pictures a week of them and their friends just hanging around. There's nothing special about these pictures, just them and their friends screwing around. If you've seen five, you've seen them all. Again, I think this is an attempt to show people they have friends, because why else would they feel like they need to post all these pictures?

There's this one girl on my Facebook list who does this along with something even more annoying. She posts a million pictures a week of her and her boyfriend in the exact same lovey-dovey pose, one after another after another. I see her taking these pictures every day at lunch, and she gets other people to take them, and they set up a backdrop and everything. Seriously? Why do this? So you have proof of your time together? I think the first million pictures are enough proof.

This is why facebook annoys me and why I never wanted one before. Still doesn't stop me from checking it 10 times a day. It's stupid but addictive.



  1. I know exactly what you're talking about. Some people truly don't have lives. All the things you mentioned are really, really pathetic. It's sad to see people waste their time like that.
    Although I don't have a Facebook yet, I've heard more than enough stories about it. As a matter of fact, we had an intense debate about Facebook addiction in Debate class. It ended with an argument between me and a bunch of people whom I consider to be Facebook addicts.
    However, they never used any of that terminology you did. I didn't know you liked the Urban Dictionary either. Ironically, I'm thinking about getting a Facebook just to keep in touch with people (long story).

  2. Yeah, and I read these things and I'm, people. Stop talking about all the fun things you're doing and just go do them. I don't know how I know that terminology. I just stubled across those words somewhere.

    I never wanted a Facebook because like you said, I always thought it was a waste of time. I'm glad I have it though because if it wasn't for Facebook, I would never talk some of my old friends. Like my friend from middle school who had been my best friend since Kindergarten. She stopped answering her phone when I called and just got too busy and now I talk to her mostly through Facebook chat. And I became friends with Michael and Jessica because of Facebook. So I'm glad I have it. It's good for keeping in touch with people.

  3. "Facebook Tourettes" cracked me up XD
    This whole thing is so true. And you're glad you became friends with me via Facebook :]
    I don't even remember when we met XD

  4. Haha I don't either, but I remember you would comment on my stuff before I ever really talked to you in person.