Toddlers and Tiaras Season Premiere

I've talked about this show before, and this post from a year ago makes my feelings abundantly clear. I feel guilty for watching it because I feel like I'm supporting baby beauty pageants, but it's like a train wreck. A creepy, sparkly, pedophillic Christmas kind of train wreck. The season premiere last night showcased the worst parents and children I have seen.

The format of the show visits the homes of three children and documents their preparations for whatever upcoming pageant is being featured on the episode. It interviews the children and the parents, then follows the three to the pageant, switching back and forth between them. It ends with crowning and final thoughts. Last night's three were dream teams of parent and children.

1) Mackenzie - Her mother is under her control

This 4-year-old knows what she wants and she does not hesitate to kick, scream, hide in closets, and whip out her sharp tongue to get it. Mackenzie dominates, and her mother seems to know this. She doesn't try to control her. In reviews I read, everyone seems to name this mother-daughter duo as the worst in the episode and Mackenzie as the most horrible child. I disagree. Mackenzie is out of control, but it's what's you would from a 4-year-old pageant child. She has a cute and funny personality, and I think she would be as sparkly as her completely inappropriate eye shadow if her mother knew how to discipline. And maybe if she wasn't thrown into baby beauty pageants. Whatever.


I like how she really exaggerates her southern accent when she's dressed up.

2) Scarlett and Isabella - When they learn to talk, I hope they yell at their mommy

The mother with her one year old twins was priceless. Oh, no, actually, there is a price. The mother with her twins was $250,000 because that's how much she spent to get her twins started in beauty pageants. She says she decided to enter them before they were even born and has a room full of dresses that cost between $1000-$2000 each. Remember that they are babies and outgrow their dresses before the dress maker is even finished adding the jewels. They take a private jet to pageants, and she name-drops designers many times during the episode.

I can't find a video or picture of these people yet, but that's okay. They're nothing special. The babies aren't anything special. They're cute like all chubby-cheeked babies are cute, but Gerber won't be calling them for a photo shoot. The mother said she's been married more times than she wants to say and looks like a heavy smoker with tattoo'd arms and a drawn face, which we notice as she talks about the importance of facial beauty.

What made me laugh out loud was how she actually gives pep talks to her daughters. They're barely a year old. They can't even stand yet. She tells them "You need to do your best in this pageant" blah blah blah and yells at one child to look at her. This lady is delusional if she thinks she can give a pep talk to a baby, but I guess when you spend a quarter of a million dollars to play dress up with infants, the reality ship has already left the dock.

3) Danielle - 8 years old and pure evil. Nothing else.

I think this is best described with a quote.

"If I don't win, I *will* trash the hotel room."

Watch her in action. I was actually hoping for her not to win. This brat needs to be backhanded. She whined about other girls stealing her spotlight. She says she doesn't believe in beauty sleep because she's naturally beautiful. She says she doesn't like to wear makeup because she knows she's beautiful enough without it. She says she would jump on the judges if she didn't win. She ran off the stage crying when she lost supreme title. I was satisfied. Such a little biotch.

Another observation: So many of the pageant moms who babble on about the importance of physical beauty look like Danielle's mom.


I'm going to go ahead and make the assumption that they are living through their daughters.

Love,
Juliana

I feel like a bad person, but...

I get excited about college when I think of it as an escape from all the relationships that make me feel trapped and from all the people I don't like. As much as it scares me, as much as I'm not ready for it, and as much as I'll miss my family and best friends, I kinda like the idea of a new beginning. I won't start college committed to anyone, and the constricting ropes of some of my current relationships will loosen and let me breathe again. Hopefully I won't make the same mistakes in college and get into these situations all over again.

Love,
Juliana

Fishing for attention

I probably shouldn't laugh at this, but it makes me laugh every time.


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It's such a pet peeve of mine when people post stuff like this. I think if you were really desperate enough to commit suicide, you would just do it. You wouldn't tell everyone. If you broadcast it on Facebook of all places, it's because you want people to tell you how much they love you and you're really not going to do it. I know people who get too emotional and write stuff like this in statuses and it's usually in bad grammar. I always want to correct their grammar and say "If this is going to be your last status update, you might as well have made it a grammatically correct one."

I'm not insensitive. It's just like the boy who cried wolf. When people post a status like this one time in a serious situation, that's one thing. When they constantly post dramatic things like this, it's just fishing for attention.

Love,
Juliana

When happens when your best is not good enough?

It sucks to be told you're not good enough. It sucks more to be told you're not good enough when you actually try, but it sucks the most to be told you're not good enough when you try your best to do something you actually care about. It hurts to know your best isn't good enough.

You know why I try to get good grades in school? It's not because of a stupid letter on a piece of paper, it's not because of my parents, and it's not because of college. I need those grades to feel good about myself because that's really all I have to make me feel like I'm worth something.

Not sure if people realize this because I didn't even realize until recently, but I'm competitive and I'm a sore loser. I can't be happy for someone who beats me. I know that's immature and makes me a horrible person, but there are people I need to compete with and people I need to beat. I constantly compare myself to other people. I didn't realize just how much I do it until I thought about it, but I not only can't go a day without comparing myself to other people but I can't even go an hour. It affects everything I do and I base my self-worth on how I compare to other people.

Let me say first here that I hate rubrics. They're boring, annoying, and allow people to write a horrible paper that hits the criteria of the rubric and scores perfect. I do however acknowledge the need for them because without them, how would you know what's good and what's bad? I did my oral for Theory of Knowledge today on beauty as a symbol of status in society, and even though I'm probably going to get a devastating grade despite pouring my soul into it, I think there is a lot of truth to the idea of people needing a hierarchy, whether it be based on beauty, grades, skill, etc, to give them a real-life rubric. They often complain about it and say they don't like it, but they're the ones who let it consume their thoughts and dictate their behavior. Whose fault is it?

The people I like best are the ones who don't color in the lines. I love brilliant people who can't fit a rubric, even when they try their hardest, but they always write the most interesting things you'd ever want to read. I like artists who can create something imaginative without rules. I envy them. I wish I had that ability to create something from scratch that would blow people's minds.

I can't do this. I'm not great at anything, even though I would like to be. I used to want to be a writer. No rules, no rubric, no grades. All I would have to do is write something people want to read, and I was confident that I could do that. I got realistic and realized that there are thousands of people who want to be writers and the majority can't get published or make a career out of it. What makes me think I'm special?

I'm not. No one should think they are.

Love,

Juliana

My List of 10 Creepy Kids Shows

There are so many adorable kids' shows that just make you happy even if you aren't four years old anymore, but for every Arthur there is a Teletubbie, and for the Power Rangers there are The Wiggles. What makes a creepy kids show? Unsettling puppets, clowns, adults pretending to be children, hands with eyes...Creepiness is purest when it's unintentional, and nothing can give you the same feeling of unease you get from watching four grown men sing about fruit salad or fat colorful fluffballs with baby heads swirl around.

These are the ten children's shows I think belong on a list of creepy.

The Teletubbies - Personally, I don't think the Teletubbies are all that creepy, just weird. I think the whole adoption of Tinkie Winkie as a gay symbol is creepy, but that's just adults once again ruining children's shows with sex. People always ruin innocent things. Weird colorful alien things that make weird noises and have TVs in their stomachs are strange creatures, but the one thing that gives me a weird feeling in my stomach is that sun baby. What is that? The sun baby with it's strange laugh and gazing eyes...the first time I've ever been creeped out by a baby.

The Wiggles - I loved The Wiggles when I was little, but it's a little unsettling to watch four grown men wiggle. Although I promote their effort to encourage wiggling among the youth population, it's uncomfortable to watch them do the wiggling.

Angela Anaconda - I watched this when I was little because the animation interested me, but holy crap is this weird. They look like magazine cut-outs of faces pasted on cartoon bodies and they move like paper dolls.

Howdy Doody - This show was on way before I was born and I never saw it, but this puppet is going to haunt my dreams.

Oobi - Hands. With eyes. That talk. I wouldn't call this one creepy, but it's definitely weird. My question here: Why? Do preschool aged children really have such simplistic minds that they can be entertained watching hands on a TV screen? If they're going to watch Oobi, they might as well just make their own hand puppets.



Wonder Pets - I think this show is more annoying than creepy. This was my final choice, and it was between this and The Backyardigans, but I don't think The Backyardigans can be considered creepy. I just hate them. The Wonder Pets are cartoons made to look like real animals that sing, but the creepier thing is their attempted baby voices. They don't match, and the songs combined with the animation is just...unsettling. My sister used to watch this show, and I could never decide whether I thought it was cute or creepy. All I knew was I felt uncomfortable watching it, and I don't think that's what guinea pigs, baby ducks, and turtles are supposed to make you feel.



Boohbah - I have two theories for the creation of Boobah. The first is that the creator was tripping acid. The second is that this was an attempt to outdo The Teletubbies' weirdness. Someone saw Tinkie Winkie, Dipsy, Lala, and Po and thought "Nope, not creepy enough. We can do better." I would say they succeeded. This truly screws with your mind. Once I start this video, I can't look away.

The Doodlebops - I hate clowns. I don't know who decided clowns were funny. The only funny thing about them is the funny feeling I get when they come too close. The Doodlebops combine the weirdness of adults wiggling with the scariness of clowns. The pink one's hair looks like it's plastic. I'm sure if she decided to take her revenge, she could kill you with her head.



Lazy Town - This Circa 2006 Icelandic Nick Jr. show scares me more than any of the others, even Boobah. The pink haired girl who is more flexible than any normal little girl, a superhero with a pedo-fake mustache, and the villian with plastic chin extensions together with the weird-looking puppets all in an uncomfortable setting make for a weird show. The girl's name is Julianna actually, and she was 15 in this show. I know. She doesn't look 15. Because of the ridiculous gymnastics she does, when you search this show you get more icky results from perverted adults than you do about the actual show.

I could have put Mr. Rogers on this list, but I don't think he belongs on it. I don't think he's creepy. I always felt like watching that show was like spending some time with someone else's grandpa, and even though it was boring, it was comforting.

Conclusion? Um. Creepy kids shows are creepy.

Love,
Juliana

Miss Independent? Mistaken.

I hate how much I need other people. I wish I didn't need my friends to make me happy, and I wish that I wasn't so afraid of everyone else. When my friends decide to skip a pep rally, all decide to stare into their math books at lunch, or cancel plans last minute, I let it break me. In those situations, I always wish I could be cool with it, say in my head "I don't need you," and go talk to some other people like a normal person...but I can't. I make the most awkward attempts to talk and when I do forget to be afraid and act like myself, I get embarrassed. I can't come out of my shell...not because I'm protecting myself but because I feel so inferior to them that I don't think I deserve to come out.

I still feel like the freshman in a room of seniors, even when I'm the senior in a room of freshmen. I hope one day I stop being a scared little freshman and lose the shell, but that's been at the top of my wish list for a long time and I don't think it's getting much better.

Love,
Juliana

Big Fat Liar

I was flipping channels this morning and found this movie. It was one of those OMG moments where you suddenly remember something you haven't thought about in a long time. I loved this movie when it came out in 2002 and it's still funny now.

Frankie Muniz is a 14-year-old named Jason known for telling little white lies. His summer relies on one essay...if he doesn't get it in on time, he has to go to summer school. When he gets hit by a horrible Hollywood producer Paul Giamatti's limo on his way to school, the story he wrote for school falls out and soon becomes the next new movie everybody's talking about. No one believes Jason is telling the truth when he says the guy stole it and turned it into a movie. To clear his name, him and his friend (Amanda Bynes) run away to Hollywood, messing with Giamatti until the truth comes out.



They put blue dye in his pool, orange dye in his shampoo, super glue on his headphones, they steal his planner, send him to a kid's birthday party instead of a meeting with a network executive, rewire his car so the brake becomes the horn and the turn signal plays the song "I'm Blue." So funny. I really like that they didn't try to add romance to this and make the two kids get together.

Big Fat Liar was produced by Dan Schneider, the king of preteen TV. He produced All That, The Amanda Show, Keenan and Kel, Drake and Josh, iCarly, Zoey 101, Victorious, and What I Like About You. Every good live-action Nickelodeon show of the last 15 years. For anyone who has seen Better off Dead, he played Ricky the next-door neighbor.

I laughed when I found out he was Ricky.

Anyway, Big Fat Liar. Good movie.

Love,
Juliana

Let's talk about faith?

I was always afraid that if I questioned my belief in God, I would go to hell, so I never did.

I went to Catholic school for the first nine years of my literate life. Nuns who wear habits and live in a house on the school ground, statues of saints next to the playground, crucifixes over the chalk boards in every room, and Hail Mary every morning before the Pledge of Allegiance...who would think to question it? I was the best guilty Catholic, the best grace-saying, Jesus-loving, hell-fearing child that Sr. Ann and Sr. Mary Theresa could have hoped to have in their religion class. I learned that all I had to do to go to heaven was believe in Jesus.

It took a while to adjust to non-sectarian high school. No Bible readings, no Thursday mass, and the teachers don't start each class with a prayer. Strange. I met atheists for the first time. Stranger. Atheists have no problem talking about God as a belief instead of a divine entity, something I was never comfortable with. I would push those thoughts from my mind for fear of going to hell, but as I became more comfortable thinking about it, I realized my religion was a matter of tradition, not faith.

Why am I Catholic? I don't agree with the Bible. I don't agree with the Church. I definitely believe there is a higher power, but how do I know it's the God I learned about in school all those years, exactly the way they taught Him in the Bible? Do I even believe in Heaven? I don't know. I don't know what I believe anymore. Without someone to tell me what to believe, I can't decide for myself. There are too many options.

I want my religion back. I want to be a good Catholic girl again because I want to believe in something again. I want to believe in Heaven, but to believe in Heaven, I have to also believe in Hell. Instead of Heaven or Hell, is it better just to believe that when you die, your life ends? You won't know you're dead. Logically, it's better to believe in Heaven because, if you're right, you will go to Heaven for believing in it. If you're wrong, you will never find out. That thought doesn't comfort me. I had to write an essay in sixth grade about what I thought Heaven would be like. My description did not include the possibility of knocking on the door and no one answering.

Even writing this, I'm afraid. I'm so paranoid that I heard my mom calling for my dad down the hall, but he wasn't answering, and I thought of the possibility of something bad happening to someone I love just because I'm thinking about this. The strongest part of my faith that remains is my fear. Even at times when I think that God was made up by people looking for answers and guidance in their lives, writing the Bible to give others the same sense of direction and purpose, I walk carefully down the stairs in fear of my punishment.

Believing in God just makes sense, more sense than anything actually. Without God, there would be no absolute truth and nothing to rely on to always be there. God is the answer to everything, giving guidance, direction, purpose, meaning, hope, and simplicity to a complicated world. Maybe God doesn't do those things, but maybe those things are God. Maybe God is just the presence of all those things in the lives of people who believe it. We can never prove God exists just as the religion believe, but in the end, does it matter? What if God is a myth? That doesn't make Him any less real to those who believe.

I could go on with this train of thought. I need to go to sleep now, but unlike I did when I was little, I can't just recite my little prayer before bed and feel assured that everything will be okay.

"Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. May angels watch me through the night and wake me with the morning light."

Love,
Juliana

Gossip Girl AKA The Chuck Bass Show

If this isn't the most obvious statement of the day or even if it is, I love Gossip Girl. There is something about the combination of pretty and evil that is totally alluring.

Don't they look like vampires here?

Basically, this show is about a group of pretty teenagers (well, they're in college now) who live on the upper east side of Manhattan and come from extremely wealthy families. Almost all have been step-siblings at one point, and almost all have slept together. Everyone does horrible things to each other, and the victim and the villain manage to change every episode, always unexpectedly. An anonymous person that goes by Gossip Girl sends mass texts and updates to a blog about the events in the lives of this group, so everyone always knows their business. I actually say "oh man" out loud to the TV while watching this show.

I saw these ads on billboards in LA a few years ago

The main attraction of this show, however, is the amazingly manipulative, brilliant, and invincible Chuck Bass.

Ed Westwick is a British dude whose voice makes any scene of this show instantly intriguing. His fake American accent is better than the real one. Despite his character's weird preppy outfits and the nerdy way he gels down his hair sometimes, this guy is still sexy as hell. His character is *the* OMFG character, the "hedonist everyone love to hate." The one guy that is never boring.



This whole show is pure sex.

Love,
Juliana

The Bell Tolls

Sometimes I forget that life is a temporary condition.

My grandpa died from a heart attack when my dad was 17 and he was only 56. When I was too young to understand death, my parents told me that he died because his heart just stopped. I believed that death was a random and unexpected occurence, something that could happen to anyone at any time. I would constantly check to make sure my heart was still beating, and I remember being scared in the car because I couldn't feel my heartbeat through the vibrations.

When I was little, I thought about death a lot. When I was very young, probably even younger than six, I believed that dying meant falling asleep and not waking up. I thought that every time you went to sleep at night, there was a chance that you wouldn't wake up in the morning. I was so afraid that my parents wouldn't wake up the next morning. When I was too young to understand death, I understood the unpredictability of life and that everyone I care about could disappear in a moment.

I remember sitting in the corner of the kitchen on the floor in my old house, which means I was definitely younger than 7, listening to talk of some natural disaster on the news. I sat there hugging my doll (which I had a major attachment to--it's still in my room) and thinking about how I can't ever let go of her because if the world ended, I would want her to be with me. I thought that everyone else can run, but my doll needed me to carry her.

I don't think much about death anymore. Now I know that your heart doesn't just stop. I know that sleeping and dying are not the same thing. Whether it be my own or anyone else's, and it's hard for me to even imagine until a real, unexpected, heart-just-stopped kind of death makes me think. A healthy 16 year old girl died unexpectedly. I didn't know her, but all I could think about was how her parents, her brother, and her best friends must feel. It made me think about what I would do if I lost my best friend like they lost her. I can't even imagine how that must feel, but it was enough to make me cry a little. For them and for her.

Now it seems so easy to take everything for granted. You don't consider the possibility that everyone you love may not wake up tomorrow. You don't think about that probable day in the future when your best friend is no longer your best friend, when your relationship is reduced to awkward generic conversations on holidays. Over something as simple as geographic distance or as serious as the difference between life and death, you can lose someone who means the world to you.

When life disappears, love stays.

Love,
Juliana

What are you thinking? >.>

I read an article a while ago about this study on masturbation. The researcher said that his shows that it's not as common as other psychologists say because in his face-to-face interviews, only 38% percent of women and 61% of men said they did it at all in the last year. He said that he proved them wrong. He did mention that people may have lied if they felt awkward answering that question face to face.

Excuse me while I say NO DUH. Of course a face-to-face interview is not the format to use when trying to get valid statistics about masturbation. That's like...on the list of things you can't expect people to tell you. Another article provides a study about lying when asked an awkward question, discrediting the results of Mr. Brilliant's face-to-face interview.

This brings up the point about how people build secret worlds in their minds and will lie to keep anyone from breaking the walls. In an interview or even in a normal conversation, how do you know if people are telling the truth, or just telling you what they think you want to hear? You don't.

You really don't know what people think. I started clicking around articles and found one on sexual fantasies, saying that in a conclusion of a study of 23,000 people, the most normal people have the weirdest, most shocking fantasies, some of which he calls "frightening, violent, dangerous and disturbing." and that the "most disturbed people" have the most simplistic ones. You would never guess. For all I know, you could fantasize about penguins or something. For all you know, I could be one of the "frightening, violent, dangerous, and disturbing."

I've been put on the spot with questions similar to these, and although I don't have much to hide, I thought it was interesting to see what I couldn't talk about face-to-face but would answer in the dark (truth or dare) or over AIM. I also noticed that some kinds of questions immediately prompt a predetermined response, almost like a reflex, whether it be true or untrue. It's kind of interesting to know that you can hide in your mind and create a secret world you can't tell anyone about. Cost is you have to lie to keep it there.

Love,
Juliana

I'm Juliana, in case you forgot

I have a great memory for people. I could look around any one of my classrooms at any time and tell you everyone's first and last names, and I could tell you where half of them live. If I meet someone once, I remember them. I recognized the waitress from TGI Fridays because she used to work at Chick-Fil-A, I recognized the mother of a girl I went to preschool with when I saw her at Publix, and I recognized my cousin’s friend from elementary school at the beach, even though I only met him once or twice when I was 11.

The bad part of this, though, is that knowing so much about people makes it awkward when they don’t remember me. And they usually don’t remember me. This kills my self-esteem every time and I always thought either I just wasn't memorable or they were too self-involved to remember. I would think that was either a problem with me or a problem with them, but maybe it's just the difference between introversion and extroversion.

I was reading an article in Psychology Today called "Revenge of the Introverts" that talked about how introverts think and reflect on everything while extroverts barely finish their last activity before they're on to a new one. Extroverts thrive on social interaction, but they don't stop to worry about details. Introverts are overwhelmed by too much social interaction and would rather observe, but they consider the details and often overthink. Extroverts talk to everyone, but remember few. Introverts talk to few but remember everyone. I am definitely an introvert, and according to the article, introverts are outsiders in our society.

I do know some people who really don't care to remember other people. They mentally catalog the important faces and names and ignore the rest. Others just don't remember because they're not thinkers. I hate when someone I've had classes with for three years asks if my name is Carrie, or my cousin's friend who I've met at least six times says "nice to meet you," but I try to remember that sometimes it's me and sometimes it's them, but sometimes I'm just an introvert caught in a society of extroverts. And that's nobody's fault.

Love,
Juliana

Anticipation

I'm very afraid of needles.

I will worry, shake, and not be able to think about anything else. I cry every time, no matter how hard I try not to. But I know it really doesn't hurt, and I calm down the second it's over. I know it doesn't hurt, I know it's over in a few seconds, and I know it's no big deal. I can't tell myself this, though, because no matter how I explain it in my head, it's still a piece of metal piercing a vein. The time spent thinking about that, the anticipation, is far worse than the injection itself.

Anticipation, good or bad, is often better than the thing you're anticipating. Thinking about something, building it up in your head, is in itself a horrible period of anxiety or elongated periods of happiness. Actual events that make you happy or sad don't last long, and after the memories of them persist, but they fade as time goes on. With anticipation, those feelings get stronger as time goes on and the anticipated event closes in. Good or bad, anticipation is seriously underestimated.

Love,
Juliana

Daria

This is the kind of show that if you don't appreciate the humor and you don't see the point, you'll think it's really stupid. This is the best adult cartoon I have ever seen, and probably the only adult cartoon I actually like. The combination of exaggerated characters, dry humor, and social satire give this show an understated intelligence that you definitely don't see in normal adult cartoons.

The premise is about a smart but apathetic, sarcastic, and nihilist teenage girl who shows no emotion in any way. The intro explains her perfectly.

To contrast her character, all other characters in the show have dramatically exaggerated characteristics. Her parents are the kind of dumb and oblivious that mirrors the parents in "The Fairly Oddparents." Most characters are overwhelmingly vacuous, and most of her humor comes from her commentary on the stupidity of others.

This show aired on MTV from 1997 to 2002. I used to stay up until midnight to watch reruns in 5th grade, but sadly The-N replaced it and it doesn't show on TV anymore. Every episode is on You Tube and it was just released to DVD a few months ago.

These are someone's idea of the best Daria quotes. I don't think they're the best. It's hard to understand when they're out of context. If you want an idea of the show, watch the beginning of the first episode.



I am willing to look past the fact that this is a spinoff of "Beavis and Butthead." I think this show is uniquely interesting.

Daria: "Is there ever a time when the way you look doesn't affect the way you're judged?"
Jane: "When you donate an organ, unless it's your eyes."

Love,
Juliana

Can you deny your thoughts?

You can lie about things you did, but it's hard to convince yourself and everyone else of a lie when there is evidence that won't let you forget. It's much easier to lie about your thoughts which have no consequences, but what if you shared those thoughts with someone? Then there's a consequence. You can lie about things you said or cover yourself by claiming you meant something different, or you could cover it by lying about lying. Complicated. All this to convince someone else, but can you ever really convince yourself?

This is my problem. Some thoughts need to stay in my head. If they're too influenced by a moment of intense emotion, immaturity, or mixed priorities, I need to let them burn out in the safety of my mind. But when someone forces them out, I usually have to go back and cover it up. This has changed my relationship with some people because although I think I convinced them, I never completely convinced myself. Even after they likely forgot, I always felt like that confession hung between us. I covered the truth with a lie, and that blurred the line between real and imagined because even though I knew the truth, if no one else does, it really doesn't matter.

When I'm the only one who knows, it makes it hard to be sure of those things, and in a way that's a good thing. If we could take every silent mistake and blur the memory, making the truth indeterminable, those unwanted thoughts of the past lose their grip over our lives. Nothing is really true until you say it outloud and tell someone else. On the contrary, it's scary to think that it's easy to fall for a lie, even one you tell yourself. If you can't be sure of what you think, what can you be sure of?

Love,
Juliana

Madonna

I love this woman. Her songs such as "Like a Virgin," "Material Girl," "Vogue," "Crazy for You," "Borderline," and "Lucky Star" among many others are constantly played on the radio and in any store, but take a look at the woman behind the elevator music and you'll see that she's a cliche for a reason, not to mention so perfectly 80s.

According to Madonna: An Intimate Biography by Randy Taraborrelli, at the start of her career, she told a journalist "People don't know how good I am yet. But they will soon. In a couple of years everyone will know. Actually, I plan on being one of this century's biggest stars." When they questioned her use of her first name alone as her stage name, she said "It's Madonna. Just like Cher. Remember it."

I read just a little of that biography. I learned some things about her I didn't know like the extent of her Catholic upbringing. She went to a Catholic elementary school and came from a large, very Catholic family where she learned that if she wanted attention, she had to shock people. Her religion is a major source of her rebellion. She would wear religious jewelery in videos like Like a Virgin as a way to satirize it and cause controversy.

It claims that her mother had multiple religious statues and paintings, and when a relative would come to the house in clothes she considered inappropriate, including jeans on women, she would turn the statues and paintings around to shield Jesus from the indecency. This reminds me of Lady Gaga who also had a strict Catholic upbringing and Katy Perry who was the daughter of two ministers.

In Taraborrelli's book, she's quoted saying "Catholicism screwed up many a catholic person. How many Catholics are in therapy, just trying to get over the idea of Original Sin. Do you know what it's like to be told from the day you walk into school for the first time that you are a sinner, that you were born that way, and that that's just the way it is? You'd have to be Catholic to understand it." I love that. I was also told that in Catholic school, and it made me think that if everyone's a sinner, than nobody is. It's relative.

She wore this to perform "Open your Heart" in 1990

In a documentary called Truth or Dare, she said "I know I'm not the best singer or dancer in the world. I know that. But I'm not interested in that, either. I'm interested in pushing buttons." She did push buttons, and crossing lines was one of her specialties.

"Crazy for You" (1985), my favorite Madonna song.



Borderline (1984) - I love this one for the clothes in the music video.



Like a Virgin (1984) is probably the most referenced song in pop culture and also the one with the goofiest lyrics. "Shiny and new" makes me laugh every time, along with the random lion in the music video. The lyrics aren't great, but something about it makes this song lovable.

Madonna - New Music - More Music Videos

She challenged tradition and forged her own path, creating some of the most known songs and trends of the 80s. Kickin ^_^

Love,
Juliana

Elefun

I have four blog posts saved in my drafts that I started but didn't feel like finishing over the last three days. I felt like this requires little commentary because it speaks for itself. A game where you catch butterflies that fly out of an elephant's trunk. ♥



Love,
Juliana

Katy Perry: The Good or the Bad Kind of Provocative?

No matter how you see her, you can tell she's some kind of provocative, but what exactly is she provoking? Is she spreading social messages and provoking controversy, or is she trying to feed the dirty minds of the oversexed American population? It's hard to tell.

Best known for her 2008 song "I Kissed a Girl" that was wildly popular not only for it's catchy tune but for it's deviant social message about experimentation, Katy Perry went onto creating more pop hits like "Hot and Cold," "Waking up in Vegas," and the two most recent and most ubiquitous, "California Gurls" and "Teenage Dream."

I'm not sure what to think about her. She balances on the line between sexy and disgusting, and it's actually not that thin of a line. She just doesn't have very good balance. The most interesting thing about this chick is that she is the daughter of two pastors and she started out singing Gospel music. Her first album was Christian Rock. Mmhmm.

Her "California Gurls" music video is definitely the most disgusting music video I have ever seen. I have watched twice, and I can't stand to ever watch it again.



First of all, what does Candy Land have to do with California? This is just icky in so many ways. I think this is so not sexy, but if you look at the long line of comments that are just as gross as the video from guys expressing their approval of this. People think this is a great video.

Message: "It doesn't matter what the song is about. If I roll around naked on a cotton candy cloud, people will love it!" Thank you, Katy, for that valuable message that has unfortunately been proved true.

She also guest starred on Sesame Street to sing "Hot n Cold" with Elmo. That playdate was cut short because her mommy apparently let her dress herself that day. Her appearance was banned for her inappropriate outfit.



This also grosses me out. Elmo and Katy Perry's breasts should never share a spotlight. Never. You don't wear something like that to play dress up with Elmo. That's what you wear to play dress-down.

I don't get her. What's her deal? Is she trying to pull a Lady Gaga and shock the public into paying attention, or is she trying to draw eyes to her boobs and keep them there? We'll see where she goes with this, but if you look at the contrast between "California Gurls" and the also recent "Teenage Dream" video, it's hard to tell what exactly she's going for.

If she didn't do things like these, though, she wouldn't be any fun. I wouldn't be talking about her right now if she hadn't shocked me with her disgusting videos. I hope that's the kind of attention she's sure she wants.

Love,
Juliana

Lizzie McGuire or Hannah Montana?

We are in the era of Hannah Montana. You already know this. You probably hate her and her show. I know I do. However, when I was the age of today's Hannah Montana fans, I was obsessed with the show Lizzie McGuire, who very similarly to Hannah, was a teenage girl with one female best friend and one male best friend who faced a life lesson in every episode. I like Lizzie McGuire better, but is that because it's a better show, or do I just like it because it was part of my childhood?

The major difference between the two is that Lizzie is normal, but tries to be cool. Miley is a rock star who tries to be normal. Besides this, the shows follow a similar pattern.

Both have the central dynamic of three best friends, one a girl and one a boy. Both have a main character obsessed with her own image, moving up the social ladder, following trends, and boys. The female best friend is annoying and even more myopic and conformist than the main character. Both have an eccentric father, although Lizzie has two eccentric parents. Both have an annoying brother. Both Miley and Lizzie face problems with boys, parents, friends, clothes, school, bullies, morals, and every other cliche you can think of.

Pretty similar, right? When you look at them side-by-side, it comes down to one critical element. The foil best friends.

In Lizzie McGuire, her female best friend is ditsy and myopic, concerned with conforming to be popular. Her male best friend, Gordo, is a foil to Miranda. He is a nerd and made fun of in school, and the voice of reason. He offers a practical perspective on anything Lizzie and Miranda are considering. He tells Lizzie she doesn't need to be popular to be happy. He is his own person, rare quality to find in a Disney Channel character. Lizzie never listens to him and makes mistakes in every episode, but in the end, she admits he was right all along. Oliver in Hannah Montana is just an extension of the female best friend Lily, who he has an obnoxiously, unnecessarily mushy relationship with. Also, have you seen his hair?



By the way, the Lizzie McGuire movie was really cute. For a movie based off a Disney Channel show, they did a good job with it. Miley doesn't make things cute.



Love,
Juliana

Play

I was looking through one of my old journals, which were more just lists of my favorite things than diary entries, and I found a list from 2003 where I say that my favorite music is Play. I don't know how I forgot about them.

Play is a girl pop group that did a lot of covers of old pop songs (as most teen girl groups did) like "Hopelessly Devoted" and "Kids in America," but they're best known for "Us Against the World." While I was looking them up, I found out that they're actually from Sweden. Cool.



I love that there's a ninja crisis in this. Haha. That song brought back so many memories. I used to blast that song. It was in "Lizzie McGuire," which was my favorite TV show at the time. I still know the words. ^_^

They had another song that I remember thinking was really cool. The more edgy "I Must not Chase the Boys" sounds a lot darker than "Us Against the World." I clearly remembered the part of the video where the girl is in the room with chalkboard walls covered in "I must not chase the boys" written over and over.



I liked this song, and even though I remembered how the tune went, I didn't remember the lyrics like "I wanna give in to the woman in me." When I heard that today, I was like...well then. The things that go over your head when you're 10.

Like all former pop groups in their category, Play is dead and forgotten. Play, A*Teens, No Secrets...their memories are locked up in childhood notebooks like mine. I like to think about today's music, who will be remembered, and who will drift into obscurity. Lady Gaga is the present day Madonna or Cyndi Lauper, Katy Perry is to 2009 what Britney Spears was to 1999, and Ke$ha...she'll be remembered for the dollar sign in her name.

Love,
Juliana

Easy A, Belly Dancers, Refrigerators with Feet

I saw Easy A yesterday, which I thought was pretty hilarious. I posted the trailer a while ago but it's about an "anonymous" high school girl who starts to get recognition when rumors spread that she lost her virginity to a college guy. When other guys find out she's lying, she fakes having sex with them so they can tell people and get recognition. She goes along with her new image and pretends so well that she is the most infamous person in school, who everyone thinks actually sells sex for money. Amanda Bynes and Cam Gigadent (evil vampire James from Twilight) play over-emotional super-Christians.

This clip is of the weekend when she supposedly hooked up with the college guy, but she narrates "That didn't happen. This is what I really did that weekend." I was cracking up.


Then a few scenes later, her phone rings and her ringtone is this song this song.

I also danced with a belly dancer at a Greek restaurant on Saturday, very awkwardly and I'm still pretty embarrassed. I don't know why I did that.

Another thing: What do you think about a refrigerator with a foot underneath that comes out and kicks the door closed if you forget to close it? I had a dream about that, but I accidentally got kicked by the foot.

Instead of ending with my refrigerator dream, I'll bookend it with another clip from the movie. It doesn't show the whole thing, but it is so funny when she fakes sex with the gay dude. His grunting XD



Love,
Juliana

High School Relationships: My Input

A few people have asked me lately exactly why I hate guys so much. I want to clear this up. I do not hate guys in general. What I do hate is the way they behave in the context of high school relationships, just as I hate girls in the same context. When people are just people, they are who they are, good, bad, whatever. People in relationships totally change who they are. They get all emotional lovey-dovey, dependent, obsessive, neglectful of other things in their life like friends. They're stupid and blind-sided, and I really believe that.

When you're an adult, usually you date to find someone cool to hang out with for the rest of your life. When you're a teenager, you do it for fun. Of course, this isn't saying that adults don't do it for fun. They do, all the time, but the difference between an adult and a teenager is practice vs. experimentation. High school relationships are about experimentation when people are still figuring out who they are. If they haven't figured out who they are, letting someone else in is playing with fire. When kids try to light fire to unknown chemicals, there's a pretty good chance it's going to blow up in their face.

Three things get mixed together in teenage relationships: Emotions, peer pressure, and thoughts about sex. Everyone wants to connect to someone, everyone feels like there are certain things they need to do to be socially normal, and to some degree, everyone thinks about sex. The volatile chemicals of these awesome teen years. Mix them together, light a match, and see what happens.

I think wanting to connect to someone is a big part of it. A lot of people don't have good friends, and they like the commitment of a relationship to give them some assurance or guarantee that someone will always be there to make them feel like they matter. Teenagers are babies when it comes to dealing with emotions. Quoting Zac Efron in 17 Again, "When you're young everything feels like the end of the world, but it's not. It's just the beginning." Emotions get tangled in a complicated web, and since these relationships are destined to end as everyone is subconsciously using everyone in their own experiments, the emotional strings attached get cut and people fall.

I think everybody needs to realize that they are going to get hurt. They can decide whether or not it's worth it, but they need to expect it to end. They make the decision to put their emotions on the front line, but they need to realize that the front line takes the first hits. When babies (dirty babies?) play with fire, they're sure to get burned. If they think they're adult enough to handle the flames, they still must remember that once they've thrown fuel to the fire, it's harder to put out.

Love,
Juliana

Hey, loverboy

I've been using saying "oh loverboy" and "comere loverboy" a lot lately to freak out my friend's brother, and I knew I got it from somewhere, but I couldn't remember where.

This is where I got it. Dirty Dancing.



I love this scene. She talks to him in the same condescending tone that he used with her when he was teaching her how to dance.

Love,
Juliana

Childhood Toys (Part One?)

When I finished writing this, I realized that this doesn't even scratch the surface of childhood toys. Most of the things you play with as a kid aren't even toys at all, they're adventures straight out of your imagination. I stuck mostly to toys for which I could find pictures and specific comments about, but there are so many more toys. Play-doh, bubble wrap, coloring books, Colorforms, Fisher Price Kitchen, Easy Bake Oven, Waffle Blocks, Lite Brite (the list goes on) did not make it to the already long list.

Then there are the non-toy aspects of childhood which are even more fun to remember like hiding in a dark closet with a flashlight making shadow puppets, imaginary friends, playing house, playing tag, playing dress-up. I could talk about these things forever. This is likely the first of an installment of posts about childhood, the one subject I feel that I have an authority to talk about. Sit'n Spin: The idea for this article spun off a sudden memory flashback of one simple toy: the Sit and Spin. This thing is amazing. For a three year old, it's like the teacups at Disney that you can operate yourself. It was even more fun to stand on it and spin. I loved that thing even after I had well exceeded the target age range, but I would play with one of those if I had one now. I spin around in my desk chair all the time.

It was even more fun with two people. These kids have the right idea.

Fisher Price Doll House: My grandma recently returned it to me from her garage where it has laid dormant for 10 years in all it's in it's worn, torn, and rainbow-sticker ornamented glory. Guess what I did when she gave it back? I furnished the rooms and put the family in the living room to watch TV. I still remember the names of all the dolls (most named for the kids on Barney because those were the only names I knew, except for one that I called Anadudadaka to distinguish her from her identical twin sister, Jane). I loved to load the family into their little pink jeep and drive them around.

Polly Pocket: This was Polly when her house could literally fit in your pocket. Her house would come in a pocket-size case that you folded open, and Polly and friends were less than an inch tall. Their feet had little circles that fit into circular holes all over her house. I'm actually preferable to the new Polly Pocket with the stretchy clothes. I borrowed my sister's in fourth grade and my friends and I would play at recess. Funny thing is we would joke about being too old for it, using the excuse that it was my five-year-old sister's toy.

Furby: Talking fluffy robot that looks like a Gremlin. It comes with a Furbish dictionary that helps you decode it's language, and supposedly if you played with it enough, it would gradually learn English. Interesting little things. I got one from my uncle for Christmas when I was seven. It was a combination of cute, scary, and intriguing.



Tamagotchi: Adorable little virtual pet that you hatch, take care of, and grow. When I was five or six, my cousin gave me her old one. My mom said she didn't want me to have it because I wouldn't take care of it, it would die, and I would cry. I told her I would take care of it. It died. I cried. What a shock.

Push Pop and Ring Pop: Not toys, but perhaps the best lollipops ever. I used to love after you licked a Push Pop enough at the top, it would form a sharp point. I used to try to only lick around the middle to make it look like an hourglass, but I was never successful. The new Push Pops have springs in them, so you don't have to push them, but before that, you had to stick your finger in the barrel and push it up yourself. Your fingers would always get sticky. Awesome stuff.

The other candy love of my childhood is the Ring Pop. This is a lollipop you wear like a ring. My mom always said they look more like pacifiers, and when they're in your mouth, they do. I remember this exact commercial for them and thought it was so cool at the end when the girl had one on every finger.



Cardboard Boxes: There are so many things a kid can do with a cardboard box. I, like just about any little girl, liked to play house, so I would draw on windows and hide out in there. Having a cardboard box big enough to hide inside is one of the memories of childhood that makes life seem a little less serious.

Now, for what is in my opinion the best childhood game there is...

Forts: Taking those blankets, those pillows, those chairs, and the back of the couch and creating the most insane, kick-ass, epic fort there ever was. Hiding inside and feeling like no one can get you. Hanging out there all day with a coloring book. Designating separate rooms and moving your dolls into them. Spreading out on the floor with a million pillows. Turning off the lights, bringing in a flashlight, and chilling in the dark. Awesome. Also, I wish I had a bed like this. My cousins had bunk beds and I thought those were the coolest things ever. We used to jump off the top onto the floor over and over and over. Like I said, the list of things I could talk about is never ending.

Love,
Juliana

Save the Rainforest, guys.

I watched this, fell out of my chair laughing, rewound it, and watched it again. It's from Superstar, a really stupid but really hilarious SNL skit turned movie where this girl is an incredibly awkward catholic high school reject who wants to be a superstar.

Also, this song has been stuck in my head since I watched Uptown Girls and heard it in the opening credits. I like how it sounds. ^_^

Thoughts and Movies

This post is a mess, but I don't have the attention span today to write anything long. Also, if you read the second point, it really doesn't matter if I do or not.

**"Sometimes we don't do things we want to do so that others won't know we want to do them." I saw it in someone's Facebook status. It's a quote from some movie called The Villiage that I never saw, but I think it speaks volumes.

**I care way too much about things. I have such strong opinions about absolutely everything. To me, everything matters, but if everything matters, relatively, does that also mean nothing matters? Nothing really matters unless you make it matter, but by that logic, everyone could save themselves pain by brushing off everything as inconsequential and live knowing that 100 years after they're dead, not a single person will remember them. I don't want to think like that, so I pretend that what we're doing right now actually is important.

**Who decides if a movie is good or bad, or if a song is good or bad, or a TV show, or a book? I see a lot of movies that I think are painfully boring that have an A on Rotten Tomatoes, and I see a lot of movies that are really cute and entertaining but get below 50%. People complain about Twilight, but it's just some lighthearted fun. People complain about Justin Bieber, The Jonas Brothers, NSync. I love the Jonas Brothers, and I love NSync. They make me happy. Who decides if something is good or bad? People who don't know how to be happy with little things?

**Mona Lisa Smile is a great movie. I don't care if critics say it's unoriginal. If you ask me, it's brilliant. Julia Roberts is awesome as an art professor who goes to an all-girls college in the 1950s and won't accept that the girls have no goals besides getting married.

Julia Roberts, Kirsten Dunst, Julia Styles, and Maggie Gyllenhaal.

**Uptown Girls is also really cute. I don't care what critics say about this one, either. Oh, and guess who the pretty guy with the guitar is.



If you don't know, it's Dr. Chase from House. I think I'll end with this picture.


Love,
Juliana

Shallow: No Diving

You've heard about the dangers of superficiality. People who hang in the shallow end are just a few inches away from hitting rock bottom. You want to swim in the deep end and explore what's underneath the surface, right? Well, that's great, but the understated complication of depth is the risk of getting in too deep, and it's a risk that makes the rocky shallow end look much more inviting.

When I get in too deep, I wish I was a shallow person, because even though I know I'll eventually make it out, there are those moments where I'm convinced that I'm going to drown in that water.

Love,
Juliana

Saved by the Bell

Take a cast of attractive but ethnically different teenagers, assign them socially different roles, match them all up into boy-girl relationships, add a wholesome, unrealistic, yet socially relevant view of a high school, some corny dialogue, dorky 90's outfits, and top it all off with a moral or a life lesson at the end. The result is Saved by the Bell.

This show ran from 1989 to 1993. After that, it ran for another season under another name, Saved by the Bell: The College Years . To give you an idea of how wholesome this show was, it's rated Y7. This is Disney Channel before there was Disney Channel, but so much better.

On the top is Zach Morris, the star of the show who narrates to the audience. He's a troublemaker in the class clown kind of way. Next to him is his girlfriend and eventually his wife, the popular cheerleader Kelly Kapowski. Under them are AC Slater and Jessie Spano. Slater is a stereotypical jock on the wrestling team. Jessie is his girlfriend for most of the series, and she's the type-A, OCD overachiever. Next is Screech, the weird, annoying kid, socially awkward kid. He always had a crush on Lisa Turtle, the last in the picture. She was the princess of the group, the kind of character that complains when her nail breaks. She usually made fun of Screech who took her mocking as a sign of affection.


This show is dorky retro gold. All the characters are stand-up citizens, rejecting bullying, smoking, drinking, and pretty much any issue where teenagers should just say no. They have their disagreements, misunderstandings, and they make their mistakes, but in the end, friendship reigns over all else.

But of course, the cast of the show is not as wholesome as the characters they play. Dustin Diamond, the actor who played Screech, sold out his old friends and published their secrets in a book called Behind the Bell. It looks to me like an attempt to break free of the Screech image. I didn't read it, but in this article listing the main points of the book, he asserts that he "has a large penis and has used it to have sex with more than 2,000 women, most of whom he picked up at Disneyland."

A little farfetched? I think so.

After the end of "Saved by the Bell," all these stars dove into roles to counter their goody-two-shoes images. Sadly, none of them got very far. My favorite blog out there, Children of the Nineties, posted "The Stars of Saved by the Bell: Where are they Now?" From Tiffani-Amber Theissen's bad girl role in 90210 to Elizabeth Berkley's dive into the unecessarily graphic NC-17 Showgirls, these actors didn't waste time trying to reverse the effects of SBTB on their images. Mark-Paul Gosselaar did a made-for-TV movie called She Cried No where he date rapes Candace Cameron (Full House's DJ Tanner). The whole movie is on You Tube.

When you watch Zach Morris rape DJ Tanner, your illusions are shattered forever.

Speaking of date rape, check out number two on Dustin Diamond's tell-all. Shocking. I thought Mario, the one who ended up being an announcer on E!, was straighter than the rest of them. Looks like Lark Voorhies (Lisa) was the most normal of everyone.

Another revelation, number four on the list, was that the cast was actually smoking weed in their dressing rooms while filming the "No Hope with Dope" episode. The first part of that episode is posted below.



The guy who played Johnny Dakota, the actor in the episode booked to do the "No Hope with Dope" commercial, was caught by the gang at a party smoking weed. This resulted in them all losing their admiration for him and the crew getting to do the commercial instead. The funny thing is that in real life, according to Diamond, he was the most "steadfast dude you'd ever want to meet." I don't know how much of his accusations are true and how much is fabricated for the shock factor, but it's not too far off. Most is just normal teenagers with too much freedom doing stupid things.

The No Hope with Dope commercial straight from the show. At least you know these guys were really acting.



This show may be an illusion, but it's a very entertaining one. I think this show should go on Nick at Nite. It's like The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Pure 90s gold.

Love,
Juliana