Chase Crawford

+

Rob Lowe

=

Ian Somerhalder

Yes? I think so.

Love,

Juliana

I'm too happy to be a writer

I'm not a good fiction writer, even though I would like to be. I write stories for fun and I tried to write a book, but I'm just not a good fiction writer. I'm afraid to add conflict to my stories or make any characters experience anything terrible. I used to think it was for lack of imagination, but that isn't the whole truth. Fiction writing is art and like really good art, really good writing needs raw human emotion. It needs blood and tears. Turning painful emotions into art is often the best there is, but once you're happy again, you have to summon painful feelings over and over to continue your work. It's like you're painting with blood and you have to cut your hand open again every time it heals. I'm not willing to conjure painful emotions for the sake of art, so I will never succeed as a writer.

Love,

Juliana

Brooke Shields: Pretty Baby, Oversexualized Child

Brooke Shields is one of those names people just know, even if they don't know why they know it. I bought a People Magazine's 1000 Greatest Moments in Pop Culture, and she shows up in it at least four times in a 10 year period. She's more an element of pop culture than an actress.

She had her own TV show, Suddenly Susan, she guest starred on That 70's Show and Friends, and she played Hannah Montana's mom, but no one remembers much about her adult career. What people remember is a series of controversial appearances before she was even 16, Pretty Baby, Blue Lagoon, and the Calvin Klein ads. She was 12 when she starred in Pretty Baby, a movie about a child prostitute in 1917 New Orleans. For obvious reasons, this movie was wildly controversial, especially since the prepubescent actress had more than one nude scene. The movie has been edited on DVD versions to censor some of the nudity, especially direct shots of anything, which were not censored at all on the VHS.

I haven't seen it, and I want to but don't want to at the same time. I watched the clips on YouTube, but I think that's all I could handle of this. Even the clip I watched had me staring with my mouth open. It disturbed me and took me a little while to get over.

Looking at it as art instead of child porn, I think this movie is amazing. It does exactly what it was meant to do: it shocks people. Child prostitution was a problem in 1917 New Orleans, and people should be shocked. I think it was daring and intriguing, but that doesn't make it any less disturbing. I've seen interviews and pictures with her when she was 12, and she actually looks much older. You would think she was 15 at least, but in the movie, between the makeup and hair, they make her look even younger than 12 for the effect.

Why did the parents allow this? I shouldn't judge people I don't know, but it's pretty obvious what the mother was doing by allowing this: A controversial movie like this would skyrocket her daughter to fame and rake in the cash. Her mom was also her manager and was not only okay with it but had also had Brooke take part in nude photo shoots two years earlier when she was only 10 years old. These pictures have been exhibited in art museums in the US and England, which were recently taken down because, ahem, child porn.

Two years later, she starred in Blue Lagoon where she again was filmed naked and had sex scenes. I almost watched this movie. I recorded it, but I couldn't get myself to watch it.

14 years old, dude.

I posted her "No one comes between me and my Calvins" commercial yesterday. She was in many just like that. 15 years old. Shouldn't we have laws against oversexualizing children and creeping out the public? I guess not, since Toddlers and Tiaras is still kickin.

I'm going to end with this, just to keep up the theme of oversexed children.

Oh God, ew.

With an appropriate amount of love,
Juliana

Best of 80s Commercials

I don't know why I haven't posted this before. I would like to thank all the awesome people who posted these commercials so people like me, who weren't alive for a single day of the 1980s, can watch and enjoy them as if they actually know anything about the decade. These are my favorites, and believe me, I've watched a lot.

10. Pudding Roll Ups


Why I love it: First of all, it's a roll of pudding. It actually looks like pudding. If you hardened pudding into a sheet, that's what it would look like. Disgusting but intriguing. Also, the kids in trench coats with their catchy song make the rest of the commercial.

9. This is Your Brain on Drugs PSA


Why I love it: I think it's hearing the satisfying sound of an egg hitting a hot frying pan while pretending it's a brain. Sizzle sizzle.

8. Don't Drown Your Food


Why I love it: He's towel-drying a potato. Come on, you have to admit it's cute. I think this is such an adorable healthy-eating PSA. Now all we get is Michelle Obama talking about portion sizes on Disney Channel. She doesn't towel-dry cute potatoes.

7. Oreo Big Stuf


Why I love it: The clothes, dude. The clothes. The use of the Mr. Big Stuff song but with Oreos. And the most obvious reason of all, they're advertising a giant Oreo. Omigosh. Gorgeous.

6. Pac Man Cereal


Why I love it: I love when the Pac Man ghosts light up neon, and I love the kids' outfits, not to mention the fact that it's a cereal based on Pac Man.

5. Wanna know what comes between me and my Calvins?


Why I love it: It's a pop culture icon. Brooke Shields was 15 in this commercial so it was pretty controversial. TV shows and movies allude to this all the time.

4. McDLT with Jason Alexander


Why I love it: The clothes. Soo dorky. Jason Alexander (George from Seinfeld before he was George) singing about juicy burgers. I love the song. I will walk around singing this song. Hearing people in dorky 80s clothes singing about burgers makes me happy.

3. Delicious Dilemma

Why I love it: Without fail, it makes me laugh every time. It might be her overall dorky 80s appearance, might be the face she makes as she bites the Dorito at the end, or it might even be the comment left under the video: "She won't have that kind of dilemma when she weighs over 200 lbs from eating so many Doritos..." It's all hilarious.

2. Michael J. Fox - Pepsi


Why I love it: This one's just cool. He turns a piece of paper into a Pepsi, and I love when he crushes it and tosses it in to the trash at the end. Also, showing the book "the Power of Suggestion" was a nice touch. I love Michael J. Fox.

1. Where's the Beef?


Why I love it: Iconic and hilarious at the same time. This one also makes me laugh every time. Every line those old ladies say makes me smile.

Love,
Juliana

What makes a mother a mom?

Those stupid girls on Sixteen and Pregnant make me angry. I want to be a mother more than I want anything else in life, but I know how much of a commitment a child really is. The commitment to be a parent is the biggest one you will ever make. It upsets me when I hear these bratty sluts complain about taking care of their babies when they would rather be out with friends. They don't deserve their children, and their children don't deserve them.

Some people should not be parents. With Mother's Day being yesterday, I was thinking about how selfish women who deserve no celebration share the holiday with the true heroines, mothers who devote their lives to the happiness of their children. Some women earn recognition on this holiday for having unprotected sex, spending a day in the maternity ward, and resentfully changing some diapers. Others earn this holiday by singing their child to sleep, hanging their crayon scribbles on the refrigerator and telling them they are the most beautiful pictures they have ever seen, and listening to them tell the same stories about their imaginary friends over and over. Both receive the exact same Mother's Day cards from Hallmark, and both consider this holiday theirs.

People who really know me know how much I think about being a mom. My goals in life are to become a wise, mature, patient, unselfish person, marry a man I can be with for the rest of my life, and give my children the best life I can possibly give them. In short, my goal is to be just like my own mom, even though I don't think I will ever be able to match her.

I'm not a selfish person, but I recognize that I'm too selfish to have a child. I wouldn't want to give up my quiet time or sacrifice going out with friends to stay home with a sick baby. I'm 18 - I shouldn't have to. I will one day get to a point in my life, after I've had time to be young and selfish, when I'm ready to devote time to a baby. When I get to that point, I will put them first, and I'm looking forward to it. I want to be as great a mother to my children as my mother was to me.

The whiny sixteen-year-old with pink hair straddling her boyfriend named Stabby Joe in front of the trailer park has no idea what she's talking about when she says she'll be a good mother. I was listening to a radio talk show on the way to school, and they were talking about kids. One lady called in complaining about how all her time is spent potty training one and listening to the other talk about T-ball. She called into a radio station to talk about the same problems that every mother with young children faces as if hers are any different. The minute she decided to start a family, she agreed to the terms of parenting.

The meaning of mother can be as profound or empty as the meaning of marriage, happiness, or even life if you want to go that deep. Mother's Day celebrates all moms, no matter how selfish or undeserving, but I think the real mothers who deserve the holiday are the ones who have the best intentions, even if they aren't always perfect. They do the best they can to raise their children right, and even if they screw up, their love for their kids is never in question.

I think there's a big difference between a mother and a mom.

Love,

Juliana

The Perpetually Miserable

Some people's glasses will always be half empty. Pessimism is just inherent in their personality. No judgment - it works for some people. What is a problem, however, is the way a negative attitude creates perpetual misery that stinks like a transvestite's cheap perfume, following that person wherever they go.

A girl on my Facebook posts statuses every day complaining about her Chemistry homework and how she'll spend her whole weekend working on it. Get over it, hun. Study outside. Play some music. We all have homework. God knows I've spent many weekends working on Biology labs. Don't spread your misery to the rest of us happy people. I've heard her complain far more often than I've heard her be positive, and because of this I have no interest in talking to her. No one wants to hear about it, and if you continue to do it, no one will want to hear you.

Negative people are often the most boring. People who can only talk about school or work just aren't fun to talk to. Yeah, okay, life sucks, but you don't need to constantly remind people of it. There's this domino effect of happiness. When one person is happy, they spread it to other people who have no choice but to react accordingly. Whens one person is always dragging a rain cloud over their head, they ruin everyone else's happiness and spread the misery.

I know I'm not always upbeat. I know some people have mental disorders that stop them from seeing the positives. They're depressed, and little things like getting out of bed are difficult. I've been through that, and I know from psychological research and experience that those who really are depressed don't constantly complain about Chemistry homework on Facebook. They feel empty, and they're left with the feeling that they're physically incapable of doing simple things like homework, far past simple complaining. There's a difference between those who internalize their misery and those who project it outward onto others. The former don't want to go to parties. The latter just aren't invited, because no one wants them there.

It annoys me when people at my school complain about having a late graduation date because I know they would be complaining if we graduated early and had to return to take IB exams. People blame the principal, the administration, parents, teachers, Obama, God, or Chinese manufacturing for every problem, quick to demand change of others when they can't change themselves. They find any little detail to complain about, and ironically refuse to cut people breaks, even though their friends are always doing it for them.

Love,

Juliana